The Red Triangle of Death

Last night, our friend Brian came over and we told him about our boogie boarding adventures last weekend. Brian listened patiently before breaking into a huge evil grin and telling us "you guys know you went boogie boarding right in the middle of the red triangle, right?" I thought he was making something up to mess with us, and I started thinking about the Bermuda Triangle and that one episode of the X Files where Mulder is transported back to the Caribbean circa 1930ish and they're all lost on some ghost ship. But then we went to Wikipedia, which of course never lies, and discovered the fated, fabled Red Triangle.

Apparently, the red triangle is this axis of shark attacks that we went boogie boarding smack-dab in the middle of last Sunday. (We'd have to drive for hours to the south or north to escape the red triangle-- check out the map, it's big) Now, I'm not really that scared of sharks. (K is a different story). And 13 shark attacks since 1952 really doesn't sound that bad. Brian is terrified of sharks and kept ratcheting up his terror-speak. "Being eaten alive is the worst possible way to go, I think" and "Hey, there's this awesome video on youtube of this guy getting attacked by two sharks at the same time. Let's watch it!" I tried to distance myself from the madness by getting out the lint roller and picking up pet hair, but I did watch the video, and yeah, it looks really, really scary. Still, that's not going to happen to us, is it?

The red triangle exists for a few reasons: 1. Sharks like cold water. 2. A bunch of seals and other tasty marine life live in the bay area. and 3. The Bay Area is heavily populated and lots of people like to go swimming and surfing here. Thus, (says my friend Wikipedia) "It has also been estimated that of all documented great white shark attacks on humans, more than half have occurred within the Red Triangle."

Bah. We were still going to go out today, because as my sister pointed out, we're more likely to die in a car crash on the way to the beach then we are to be torn limb from limb and then chewed up and spit out by Bruce. And besides, 13 attacks since 1952, and millions of people have been swimming in the red triangle since then? Our odds are pretty decent. Then I remembered that I am currently, um, experiencing my menstrual cycle. (And I'm sorry if that's oversharing, but come on, half of the population gets their period). So we're going to wait. But we're still going to go. If I bought into various sources of fear mongering (Bush, the media, Brian, rival gangs)I wouldn't fly on planes, eat tomatoes, talk on a cell phone, or live in my neighborhood. This blog post as my witness: I ain't afraid of no shark.

I was going to blog about the carbon footprint of cheese, and I still might do that. I was going to give myself an assignment, maybe do a little research, read and post an article or two. It seemed like a relevant, socially responsible thing to talk about: I love cheese, I eat cheese, I care about carbon footprints and it sounds smart. While one of these may be forthcoming (I know, I know, contain yourselves) I am instead captivated by boogie boarding. Fancy artisan French aged-in-caves and blessed by monks creamy dreamy Camembert will have to wait.

K and I have been entertaining family these past two weeks. First his little sister (just turned sixteen) came to visit for a week or so, and then my parents came to town for this past weekend. It's been really nice having our family members visit, because we get to take them fun places. This may be painfully obvious and redundant at this point, but one of the nice things about living in California is that you can go to the beach pretty much whenever. (Hey, I grew up in the high desert-- the thrill of living within spitting distance of the ocean has not yet worn off) K and I took my parents and Belly to Stinson Beach yesterday for picnicing and frolicking. We hadn't been to Stinson since my birthday last September, when I wandered down the beach alone and ended up swimming briefly at the far end of the beach, in my underwear, with two old gay dudes. This being September, it was pretty cold and I couldn't have been in the water more than five minutes. Even though the outside temperature was in the 60s yesterday, K and I still went swimming while my parents went to go look for birds or something like that.

We kept Belly with us, and tried to get her to go into the waves, but she wasn't really into it. She gets scared if they're at all big, and big means anything that could potentially crash over her head. So she waited for us, very sweetly, by our cooler and picnic blanket. K and I did some bodysurfing for awhile (the waves were big enough that I got tumbled once, and slammed medium-hard on the shore). We yelled lots of "dude, this would be really good with a boogie board" and "yeah I knows" back and forth. Stinson beach is a tiny vacation town in the summertime, so we ventured down a sandy second-home lane lined with Land Rovers and S Class Mercedes in search of a boogie board (surf) shop. (We brought a sandy Belly with us)

Within five minutes, we found a weird little surf shop/workout gym with a bleached blond Australian lady and a crusty old surfer/fisherman ready to do business. Rentals were ten for the day, or sixty to buy. We hemmed and hawed only briefly before deciding to shell out the dough to purchase bright shiny new boogie boards. I got bubble gum pink with light blue trim, and K got royal blue because they were out of yellow. (I know, how sickeningly gender appropriate-- it was kind of cute, though).

It took about twenty minutes back in the water for me to start thinking that maybe I'm more of a boogie boarder than a surfer. (You'll recall my Point Break antics of late...) Consider the advantages: boogie boarding is a lot, lot easier than surfing. Seriously, it requires very little skill, not much beyond figuring out the best spot to catch a wave, and a little bit of paddling or kicking. Then all you have to do is hang on. Sure, surfing is a little bit more fun, but it doesn't have the same sort of instant payoff. And, um, surfing requires a shitload of skill. So. A lot of skill and a little bit funner, versus no skill and almost as fun? I'm pretty lazy, I'm pretty sure I know which one I'd pick. Also, boogie boarding does not require one to be in as good of shape as surfing does. The whole paddling out thing is greatly minimized on a boogie board. You're still getting exercise, of course (believe me, I can feel it in my quads today) but boogie boarding doesn't constantly remind me that I have no biceps and am unlikely to anytime soon, or that my forearms are flimsy.

Plus, boogie boarding is cost-effective. My brand-new pink boogie board(I really like that it's pink-- it's the same color as my bike)cost about 1/6 of what a new softtop (read: beginner) surfboard would. Maybe I'll get a pair of flippers and really start tearing it up. Mostly though, the appeal of boogie boarding is all about the instant gratification. You get a lot for a little. Which is pretty good, I think, in most circumstances, beach recreation being at the top of that list.

So now we have a new hobby. Also, there's a wide range of skill to develop in boogie boarding, it's not like only amateurs do it. I can see it now-- K and I enter doubles boogie boarding competitions and win big prize money. If we teach Belly how to ride, we could make it a trio sideshow thing and charge admission-- it'll be great. Last night after we got home, I started trawling the internet for good boogie boarding beaches near and far from our house-- it's difficult to discern between a good surf spot and a good boogie spot. For instance: a beginning surfing beach-- good waves for boogies too? Or a more advanced beach, would it be OK for us if we just stayed closer in? Are there beaches where the waves are too small, or it's not a long enough break for surfers, but boogie boarders could get a pretty decent ride? At Stinson yesterday, which is a pretty huge beach, boogie boarders were stretched along most of it, except for at the far northern end, where all of the surfers were. (They were so far away we couldn't see them from where we were, so I don't know about the size of the waves, or the break, or any of those fancy maritime things surfers care about)

Next up: something heady and intellectual and no doubt incoherent and questionably accurate about cheese. Because we've been a little heavily weighted to the beach sports and Belly lately. (But really-- what else is more fun?)

**The picture of the surfer was taken on Maui in March. Atmosphere, y'know?